This is a post I’ve wanted to write for sometime but I’ve felt that I won’t be able to do justice to the idea.  But I wanted to get it done before the end of this week.  It’s an idea that is mine and as far as I know I haven’t consciously taken it from any source. 

So here goes:

The relationships you have with other people are conditionally like fires in a fireplace or like campfires.

Think about it:

Relationships, like fires, can be blue and hot; high as a bonfire; low and barely there; smoldering; smoky; raging; continuous…

But most of them need fuel to keep going.

When you meet someone, the two of you build a fire together.  Each person throws a stick or twig or a log in.  Sometimes they use gasoline. 

It is all about how low or high you both want the flame.

It’s all about how often you want to throw a branch in to keep the fire going,.

IT’S ALL ABOUT how much time and effort people put into it, and how much care you take to stack and arrange the wood.

Let’s talk real life.

Someone on Mindsay recalled to me recently how much they missed their best friend.  It had been a while since they spoke.  Something had happened and that fire I spoke of used to be high and hot because the two of them used to pair up to throw stacked firewood easily in. 

However something happened and the friend stopped picking up one end of the branches and stopped throwing in any wood.  But this Mindsayer didn’t want the fire to diminish or die.  So she doubled and tripled her efforts and kept throwing on all the wood herself.  But no matter how much she worked, or how much care she took, the flames kept getting lower until tired and frustrated she realized that the fire was never going to be the same.  Every now and then she throws a big heavy log onto the flame…but the flare-up is just a split second spark.  And then once again it’s dark.

I’m sure you’ve been there too.  I have. 

I’ve also allowed fires to go out.  Girlfriends, Friends, Family, Acquaintances, CoWorkers, School Friends, Mentors.  It is hard to work to have so many flames going.

The best ones are the best that you both know how much and how often you are going to feed the fire.  They are easy and take little effort

You might have a relationship with an old friend from high school or college and maybe you talk once a year.  And that's enough for both of you.

Well that's a low flame and once in a while you and she will throw a branch in.

There are eternal flames too.  Me and my sister have that.  We don’t have to talk too much but we are always there for each other.  We both know it.

I have relationships that I’ve tried to keep alive or keep it at a level that it used to be.  Sometimes when you realize the other person just isn’t trying, you get angry enough to throw water on it, or even take a whiz on the flame.

It happens.

For those flames that go out it is hard to reignite them.  Especially if the campgrounds are a soggy mess.  Sometimes, and particularly if there is family involved.  You’ll just have to wait for the area to dry out. 

Relationships are hard.  Tending to them, whether they are the important ones that keep you warm or the other low-flame fires takes work and effort on both sides.

I’ve destroyed some relationships.  Some purposely, some accidently and some unwisely.

I happen to be someone who works very hard on relationships.

SOMETIMES TOO HARD and I smother it. 

But we are all the same in these regards.  No matter the age or gender.  Or what country or culture we come from.

It’s hard keeping so many flames going, and then new ones come and take away your time and effort from the older flames.  Girlfriends, Boyfriends, Spouses, kids…these have to be tended to.  But then what happens to the older fires, and the other people who were working on them with you?

Mothers, Fathers should do more fanning of the flames than the kids…even when the kids are adults.  But the kids have to do their share too.  It’s not all one sided.  Especially with parents that throw logs on haphazardly.  I pray I am not one of those when my own children grow up.  And I hope I don’t smother the fires either.

Like I said I’ve wanted to work on this post for a while now.  I’m not sure if I did it justice. 

Thanks to those who helped me with the idea.

Any comments are appreciated.