Try not to look too far ahead, but keep your eyes on the future.

We have reached the top ten.  I ask the girls, "So what do you think the theme will be tonight?"
Emily: Elvis?
Allison: Maybe the Who's…??
Yes, I've taught them well.
Ryan tells us the Idolaters will be singing songs from the "Year they were born". 
 
Before we start I hope you have all brought your virtual chainsaws.  Why?  Because you know those annoying simpletons in the so-called "mosh pit" have been waiting all week to do the sway'n'wave.  And when they raise their arms this week, I'm going to take my virtual chainsaws and slice their hands off.
 
It's 1987, and prophetically it's the year of the greatest crash in stock market history, because Ramiele crashes with Heart's "Alone".  It's obvious she is trying too hard. 
"Alone" was written by Tom Kelly and Billy Steinberg who also wrote Madonna's "Like a Virgin", Cyndi Lauper's "True Colors", The Bangles' "Eternal Flame" and the Divinyl's "I touch myself". 
 
It's 1987 (again?) and Stoner Jason is born.  Prophetically it's also the year that Prozac was debuted in the U.S.  Jason is probably the stupidest and most boring personality ever to hit the Idol stage.  According to his video, Jason is amazed by the word, "Aries".  And probably, "Roads", "Rug" and "Banjo".  Stoner Jason sings Sting's classic "Fragile" which is the closing number for every Sting concert.  Fragile, of course is originally French.  Shhh…don't tell Jason.  He's still trying to figure out the French parts to last week's "Michelle, ma belle". 
 
The next year up?  It's 1987 (D'oh!) and it's the year The Simpsons first come to T.V. and Syesha is born.  Ok, yeah she's cute but not cute enough to get away with saying that Stephanie Mills' version of "If I were Your woman" is good enough to stand for 1987 when Gladys Knight's version from 1971 is the definitive choice.  D'oh!
 
Both Paul McCartney and Bowling For Soup wrote a song about ChekezieLikeSundayMorning's birth year.  1985 is the year of Live Aid, best known for Phil Collin's single handedly causing Global Warming by flying from London to NY on the Concord just to sing a couple of songs on MTV.  Chekezielikesundaymorning sang Luther Vandross' "If only for one night" and while it wasn't bad…the kids were bored.  No more ballads allowed for Mr. C. 
 
1983 is the birth year for McNuggets, Hooters Restaurants, Fraggle Rock and our little Miss Brooke.  I've compared Brooke to Juice Newton but tonight at the piano, wearing black and singing "Every Breathe You take", she reminds me of Vonda Shepard – the gal from that annoying Ally McBeal show.  As we all know, "Every Breathe" is not a wedding song.  It's not a love song.  It's a song about stalking your ex.  Can you imagine Brooke stalking her ex...?  I can't unless the ex is Wembley Fraggle and he's eating a McNugget.
 
After destroying one song last week, Michael decided to take on 2 songs from 1978 (really 1977) "We will rock you/We are the Champions" and he doesn't suck.  But he's not as good as the judges think.  Of course 1978 is MOST famous for being the year that Tuvalu became independent from the United Kingdom.  Right??  We all knew that…
 
Let's just get this out of the way…Carly's Mom is cute!  In 1983, on Sept 12 Carly is born.  2 days later Amy Winehouse is born.  2 days after that Amy Winehouse enters rehab for the first time.  Carly brings her big voice to Jim Steinman's "Total Eclipse of the Heart".  She has the voice for it but she completely stiffens up and by the end she runs out of gas.  Unfortunately she tells Ryan that she had to go to the bathroom right before going on stage and Ryan asks her if she flushed.  A complete Total eclipse of bad taste.  I hope Amy Winehouse didn't hear that. 
 
I never hear of 1990's "You're the Voice" as sung by Lil David.  Though I also didn't know that the first World Wide Web page was written in 1990.  Of course, no one used the internet ever again after that.  Back to the song…Simon said that it was a sung by John Farnham.  I looked it up.  Had to.  The song was released in 1986.  BAD Lil DAVID!!!  David is pretty good on this song, and he finally sounds young.  I'm still waiting for him to belt out "Row Row Row your boat."  Why? Cause I'm just zany.
 
1984 was awesome.  Michael Jackson's hair was set on fire during that commercial for Pepsi, Crack is introduced, and Jesse Jackson calls New York, "Hymietown".  Oh, yeah, and Kristy Lee is born riding on a pony.  "GodBlessThe USA" is Kristy Lee's way of saying… "Gosh, I don't know what you people want but I'm gonna sing a patriotic sang and I hope that you will vote for me because there's a big old flag waving behind me".  Pass the crack pipe…and a Pepsi.
 
If David Cook wins American Idol it will have started tonight.  His version of Chris Cornells' version of Michael Jackson's seminal "Billie Jean" (a song I actually really like) is a standout.  It's not his usual shouting.  It's controlled enough to have a soul.  David might also win because people thought Doughtry should've won 2 years ago and David is enough like Chris to win.  In 1982, EPCOT opens.  And if David wins this thing, he's going to Disney World.
 
Predictions:  Not a bad week though few standouts.  KristyLee, Ramiele and Syesha.  Ramiele will be gone…