Try not to look too far ahead, but keep your eyes on the future.

Back in the 70s, Dolly Parton was well known for her mountain-girl singing, and well reknowned for her…mountains.  I recall that all the dirty insults told by other little boys had the same punch line:  Dolly Parton or Adrienne Barbeau's bra. 
Today of course, Ms. Parton has remained a mainstay of American pop culture.  Zak and Jason know her as Hannah Montana's Aunt Dolly. 
When I first heard about Dolly week, I figured this is gonna be a great week.  Except for a couple of songs, the rest of Dolly's tunes are unrecognizable.  So there would be no karaoke and No claims of butchering a classic.  Unless someone dares to attempt "I will always love you".  I don't think anyone would be that stupid.  Would they?  And I hope there aren't any lame jokes about Dolly's bust.
 
So without further-ado we present the top 9. 
Our little Miss Brooke performs "Jolene", a song I've actually heard.  I'm fairly disappointed in it.  She gets a B cup tonight.
 
Lately David Cook has been getting flagged for reproducing covers of covers (doxology's version of Eleanor rigby, whitesnake's day tripper, chris cornell's Billie Jean).  Hey, it's not his fault that the judges are calling him original.  He isn't taking credit for originality.  He is just performing as best as he can.  So, cut the cat same slack, jack.  This is Not American Original.  It's American Idol.  David's "Little Sparrow" is ok enough.  Sitting here, do I really remember it?  Nope.  C cup. 
 
Zak watching David strum his acoustic says that it would be cool if they combined Guitar Herowith American Idol, and "you can play guitar and drums while picking which American Idol person you want to be".  Take note patent people.  That idea is mine…oops.  I mean ours. 
 
Wanna know something interesting?  Dolly is one of 12 children.  Wanna talk about something uninteresting?  How about Ramiele's "Do I ever cross your mind"?  Flat chested.
 
Transamerica is a movie about a male-to-female transsexual.  Ain't that ironic when the guy everyone thinks IS a girl, Dopey Doper Stoner Jason sings Dolly's Oscar-nominated theme song from said movie.  "Traveling thru" is worthy of an A cup.   It's a strange rating for such a Boob.
 
I let the girls stay up to see Carly since she's their favorite idol.  Carly certainly has her fans, but she also has those detractors that can't stand her tats, or her clothes.  The question isn't can she sing…the question is, do you believe her when she sings.  Halfway thru "Here you come again" I don't think I do…but then she hits this beautiful touching note at the end, and I'm confused.  Is her emotional singing real or fake?  I give Carly a big 'ole Push-up bra.
 
Reports are saying that David Archuleta's dad is one of those awful Show Biz dads, telling David what to do and say.  Well, Kudos Dad.  Tonight's suggestion of "Smokey Mountain Memories" was right on the money.  David's Dad gets a Nursing Bra for helping his son to a excellent night.
 
No one likes Kristy Lee.  Her flag waving, country girl act can't hide the fact that she is just a bland sister.  But country should be right up her horse's trail.  She bridles Dolly's autobiographical "Coat of many colors" and even barefoot she tramples the song.   A dud.   Training Bra
 
Syesha has a death wish.  She must be a member of some kind of jihadist suicide squad.  I realize she has always fancied herself as Whitney Houston-lite.   But there is no way anyone should attempt "I Will always love you."  If they is any song out there that can not be topped by any singer (including Whitney Houston) it is this song.  While I think Syesha is cute, I think she is mental.  Sitting on top of the piano and mugging for the camera (instead of the audience) she does a remarkable impression of fulfilling her dream come true.  This has to be the biggest thrill of Syesha's life.  And for the most part…the moxie pays off.  Of course, she misses the 'big' note.  But somehow it all works.  How do I know?  Watch the audience down front.  These waving wackos do the freaking wave to every song including the Star Spangled Banner.  But during Syesha's performance they are completely engrossed in her voice and she puts them under a spell.  What should be a disaster is actually a triumph.  It's not great but at least it is memorable and except for the mugging…honorable.  DD's.
 
I'm not a fan of Michael's.  I miss my ChikezieLikeSundayMorning.  But biased aside, Michael takes on "It's all wrong, but it's all right".   If I were the Black Crowes I would record this version of this song and stick it as the album ender.  It sounds so much like something the Black Crowes would do that I had to check it out myself.  Nope.  This is all Michael and it's probably the best performance of the night.  It's a full size Dollywood.
 
All in all, from a scale of 9 to 5, this evening was a 5. 
 
Prediction:  Kristy Lee, Ramiele and Syesha.  Ramiele just is a total waste of time.  At least Chikezie and Motorcycle Amanda were interesting.