Each saturday i am posting my american idol reviews from earlier in the week

First a disclaimer:
Last week I wrote that my sources (my wife) deep inside Fox studios (access Hollywood) had inside information.
Well, my wife has requested that I set the record straight.  She does not watch Access Hollywood.
 
This week my sources (you know who) deep inside Fox studios ("The Star") says that several Idolettes have had previous record contracts. 
Of course you wouldn't have known that from last week's performances.
This week we move from the groovy days of the 1960s to the dazed and confused 1970s. 
I half expect Danny Noriega to continue his streak of not knowing what decade he's in and intone another version of "Happy Together". 
 
My kids are back with me.  And when they find out it's the boys tonight they groan.  They'd rather go to bed or eat broccoli.
The guys come out in almost exact reverse order from last week.  As each fellow is announced the two midget critics next to me chirp in:
Julian asks, "Are they ALL NAMED DAVID?"
Sean makes me rewind the DVR.  "Rewind, Rewind"
Why?
"How come some of them look like girls?"
Jason Castro is pointed out. 
"Stop.  Yes, the girl one.  She should be with be the girls"
 
Mr. Michael Morrison picks up the Fleetwood Mac chestnut, "go your own way".  He's so way off vocally and so unconfident on stage that it's almost a different persona than we've seen so far.  I'm told by the midgets that he's horrible and they are not voting for him.   I still have high hopes for this guy though.
 
The next girl…guy, is Jason.  He's out with his guitar again and we have big expectations again.  He sounded so seventieseque last week. 
This week he mis-croons "I just want to be your everything". 
I wanna be mean to Jason but the kid seems nice. 
He's be here next week.
 
I was told last week that Luke looks like Luke Perry, but I kinda think he looks like Orlando Bloom.  Luke goes on a limb with "Killer Queen".  Saying this is a 'white bread' performance is an insult to WonderBread.  It's more like a RiceCake performance.  No, no, not the ones that tastes like caramel or chocolate.  Those are just awful.  This was just boring.  For goodness sake people, stop eating Rice Cakes!  They don't help you lose weight.  And when company comes over all you ever have is rice cakes in the fridge and they don't want them so they find the snickers bars all the way in the back that you hid in the "crisper", and secretly you are mad they ate your stash and now you are left with those damn cardboard ricecakes, so you go out and buy yodels and mint chocolate chip icecream and it's then you realize that you rice cakes don't help you lose weight.  Phew.
 
Bandana Robbie is up next.  He shows how cool he is by displaying his fondness with drag racing.  Little does he know that one headlight is out on his car.  I called the cops immediately who then took his bandana away.  Robbie is not a bad singer.  He's just not a unique singer.  "Hot Blooded" proves this.  There's a difference between singing a song and having the song sing you.
 
Sassy Danny is up.  He tells us how he used to be in a punk rock band with a girl who is more manly than he is (or I am!)  It's hard to review any version of the Carpenter's "Superstar" without thinking of Tommy Boy and Richard bawling their way down the highway in Richard's beat up (though still 'cherry') car.  "I can take it if you can"…"Don't you remember you told me bayyyybayy…"  Ahh Chris Farley we miss ya.
Danny is bad.  I have a feeling that between his singing and his speaking style he'll be with us a long time ala Sanjaya. 
 
We are now halfway thru the show when the first decent performance comes up.  David Hernandez's version of "Papa was a rolling stone" is enjoyable and showed that David could live in the moment.  I don't envy these Idolettes..  Having people like Emme and Alle heartlessly criticizing them each week can't be easy.  Luckily there are people like me rooting for them. Woot for me!  Boo for cruel emme and alle!  Boo.
 
Jason Yeager is summed up by the girls this way: "I don't remember him".  The Jaegarmeister IS forgettable as is his "Long Train Running".  If anything, he reminds me of my college housemate, Tom, who thought he could sing.  Tom would lock himself in his room and sing the same Boston song over and over and over.  I don't know where Tom is now, and after this week, the same will go for Jason.
 
I'm glad ChikezieLikeSundayMorning didn't get thrown off last week.  Because his take on "I Believe to my soul" was terrific.  Listen up Robbie, Jason, and the rest.  This is how a song is sung.  It's with passion for the song.  Not passion for singing the song.  It's losing yourself in the lyrics and the beat.  It's NOT about being in love with hearing yourself vocalize, ROBBIE, JASON, LUKE…that's why you come off as having no personality.  I Believe to my soul that ChikezieLikeSundaymorning is safe this week.
 
David Cook is a 3rd grader.  Like many males in 3rd grade who don't shower, goes out with greasy hair, is disrespectful for his elders, and tries to act like a big boy in front of his friends singing a grown up song by Bad Company.  He's strumming a bad guitar (with licks he learned playing GuitarHero), he's letting the background singers do their thing while he searches for the microphone, and he is too busy being in the spotlight to realize that he fails to entertain.  I'm angry that this guy is on…
Where the heck's my rice cake!!!
 
David A…Davey…is last.  All week this kid has been getting the best press.  I'm not sold yet.  So will all the media's love go to his head? 
"Imagine"
I have to close my eyes to listen to his voice and not be affected by his face and age. 
It's pretty good. 
It's controlled and David gushes with how much he loves the song. 
He's good.
The only thing I have to add is that I don't think I can handle listening to Randy and Paula go on each week how amazed that he's only "17".  They did this last year with Jordin. 
 
Predictions…Cook and Yeager.  Sounds like a folk duo. 
One David, One Jason. 

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THESE GIRLS LOOK LIKE A TEN

This time of the season is usually hard to review for most reviewers.  Thankfully, I'm brilliant…
 
Hot women…but will their vocals and their performances add up to a…leap to another week?
The last 2 performers from last Wednesday are the first 2 tonight.
Carly from Ireland works at an Irish pub.  Stereotype much Carly?
I'm surprised that Carly can pull off "Crazy on You".  But she did!  She blasts through the power chords and I'm impressed.  I recently saw a Heart tribute on VH1 with country star Gretchen Wilson (no relation to Heart's Anne & Nancy Wilson) who was amazing.  Any chance Gretchen, Anne and Nancy will join a superband with Willie, Brian, Carnie, and Wendy Wilson?  Add that volleyball from Cast Away…
 
Sweet Syesha takes a turn with "Me and Mrs. Jones" reversing the roles.  Instead of an unbridled adulterous affair that can't be stopped, Syesha is singing about an affair she has no intention of toning down and is proud of it.  Heck if Syesha wants to sing "Me and Mr. Scott" I wouldn't mind.  Neither would my wife.  (she's gonna kill me when she reads this!)
 
We all know that Brooke is a throwback to the seventies.  And with a big old mouth just like Carly Simon, I'm not surprised that she whips out her guitar to strum "You're so vain".  Is this song a reference to James Taylor, Mick Jagger or Warren Beatty?  Only 2 people in the world knows who this song is about:  Ms. Simon and NBC Sport's Dick Ebersol (who gave money to Charity in order to know the subject of the song). 
Brooke's version is missing the proper venom.  It's more like she is singing , "You're so Great". 
 
Tiny Ramiele with the big voice tackles Whitney's mom's claim to fame, "Don't Leave me this way".  It's a perfect song for ramiele though it comes off Karaoke.
 
Kelly Preston's look-a-like, Kristy Lee is up.  She covers the cover song by Linda Ronstadt "You're No good".  This song sticks in your head all night, as it is in mine right now.  Unfortunately for Kristy Lee, it's not her version.  Although the outfit makes me hope Kristy Lee sticks around for one more week.  She is different, and she country, but this song is hard to country-fy. 
 
The performer that impressed me most last week was Amanda.  This week she comes out looking between a cross between the Bride of Frankenstein and Maude.  "Carry On My Wayward Son" is an awesome song.  And Amanda drags this song all the way from the Hollywood studio to Kansas and massacres it.  It's awful.  She can't hit a melody, a low night or even belt out any power.  She's on the chopping block tonight.  Probably a pre-mature death like her idol Janis.
 
If you are like most people when they watch the movie Grease they fastforward through Sandy's "Hopelessly devoted to You".  And if you are like most people they fastforwarded through Alaina's version too. 
 
Maybe it's just me, but I always liked Chicago's "If you leave me now" but not for the vocals but for the interplay between the cool plunky acoustic guitar and the soulful French horn.  Alexandrea proves something tonight.  Some songs are great in the Studio and on record.  And some songs come alive on stage.  Just asked Gene Simmons. 
American Idol might be looking for recording artists BUT they are judged as by their stage presence.  It's a quandary, right? 
 
The same album that gave the world, "Crazy on You" also gave us "Magic Man".  It overwhelm's cute Kady.  I couldn't wait for it to be over.  The only thing that made it memorable was Simon saying he never heard this song before.  WHAT?
 
Had they hit the solo spotlight on Aish'a when she sang, "all my myself" I would've thought this was another dedication to her recently deceased Dad, and her struggle to continue on with her dreams.  Alas, no spotlight and instead of personal passion, we are left cold by Aish'a's struggle to hit the dramatic notes of Eric Carmen's standard.
 
I'm stunned because I can't figure out who should go and who should stay.  Only one horroroso which was Amanda.  2 memorable turns with Carly and Syesha.  The rest was mediocre.
 
Prediction:  A or K?  Kristy Lee/Kady or Amanda/Alexandrea/Alaina.
To me, it ain't A.O.K.